Friday, September 26, 2008

Happy Hols

Selamat hari raya to all my muslim friends. I keep on dreaming of Raya cakes and cookies. Yummiee and thank God I have finished with my confinement.

Happy hols as well to everyone else. What are the plans? Hmmm..

Monday, September 22, 2008

Being Happy

Yes my confinement period is finally over. It is hard for me to be confined. It is harder for be to be confined and keep my sanity.

I am a very very active person. I kill me if I can keep myself indoors for long. Hence I have to be ultimately very good and live by the law because I can not imagine myself behind bars or in ISA. It would literally drive me mad. Ooh I can not imagine how it is for those people who do.

However I have survived, I used to love lihing chicken (chicken soup in rice wine). Yummyyy... but now I can only stare at the soup in horror and wish for other types of food. Hmmm... I still will eat the thing but not with so much enthusiasm as before.

They said a lot of mothers go through baby blues. I have gone through it with my first baby and now my second. In both occasions. I had to keep my emotions in check and always try and find a way to be HAPPY.

Today I am very happy and I feel at peace. This was not the case a few weeks ago. I was always feeling tired and had really negative thoughts. It was not easy going through that. I did a few things which I list below:
1. Search the internet for information about post natal depression.
2. Talk to a lot of friends and family.
3. Look at old photos of happy times.
4. Escape from my confinement with really good reasons. Wink Wink
5. Fought with husband so many times. This one was not a good thing to do. But you would be damn if you do and you would be damn if you don't.

All in all, I survived. I finally feel happy today. I am also going to treat myself with a full on self pampering afternoon. I am going to do the works. Manicure, pedicure, body massage, facial and etc. Hmmm I am happy.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Farting like a train

I have noticed something about myself lately. I am very very gassy. Why is that? I am only eating lihing chicken and drinking the Anmum lacta milk. Hmm strange. Hopefully I wont make my babies faint. hahaha

A good night

Today may be the first and only night which went well for both of my babies. I had my dinner after my kiddo had his, which was while I fed my li'l one. Since the li'l one was fast asleep, it gave me some quality time to spend with my kiddo.

We watched the Asian Food Channel on Astro and pretended to eat all the yummy foods. It was fun. He also asked for his Appeton Vitamin. I found that he loves this Vitamin C tablets. I told him that it is one of the last ones. He happily took it into his mouth and then later took it out.

While watching AFC, he started crying. I was shocked and wondered what was bothering him. I found out that he was trying to keep the half sucked tablet in his pocket but because it was so small he could not find it again. So I calmed him down and found it for him. Then he sat next to me sucking on his Vit C.

Not long after he started whimpering again. This time he lost his tablet behind the cushions. Hmm you would think, 'hey it is time to throw the Vit C into the bin cause it is dirty.' However I would not dare to. My kiddo would scream his heart out. Anyway I played a few tricks on him. I pretended to eat his tablet and he would start crying. Then I would tease him for crying and show him that I had not really eaten his tablet. This went on a few times. I also did the I pick the tablet out from your ear trick. Which he thought was cool coz he placed the tablet in his ear. LOL. You know kids... we had a bit more fun then he took my hand and walked me to make him his milk and off to bed we went.

Next, I played a nursery rhyme CD. We had a bit of dancing which was so sweet. He was doing this turns and trying to immitate the songs on the CD. Then I started reading his book. While pointing at a few words I realised that he can now say most of the words and remember what they were. So we played the game, 'where is this thing', for half an hour. All this while my li'l one is fast asleep.

Oh my kiddo threw a small tantrum after he found me checking on his younger brother. :) Still very jealous. He also got upset coz I told him not to rock his brothers crib. Luckily he did not start crying out loud. He just started hitting me, while making a loud shout. Told him it was not good behaviour and pretended to ignore him for a while. He had this angry angry stare at me. Next I told him calmly that I understand that he was hurt and thinks I don't love him anymore. Then I told him if he feels hurt he can just tell me he is upset and ask for a hug. The hug worked. He settled down. I know he might not know how to say the words. I just want to keep consistent with him. Then he started getting comfy and pulling the covers over him. Next thing you know he is fast asleep.

So time to change my li'l one's nappies. Yup they were soaked wet. Nevermind. I changed his clothes nappy into those disposable nappies. Next I changed him into his nightie. This woke him up of course. Then I fed him and put him back to his crib. Phew.. this night is perfect. I got to spend good time with both without getting either one too upset. I hope I have more of this kind of night.

I love my kids soo much. I feel bad when I can't give both attention at the same time. My kiddo is still a baby himself. Sometimes I think maybe I should have waited until he was older to get my li'l one. Hmmmm.. too late. :)

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

A joy forever

My children are so precious.

This morning I brought the eldest one to my office to get some stuff which I need urgently. Spent a few hours with me, you would think he would be satisfied with the quality time I spend with him. However as soon as we got home he did not want to lose sight of me. I have trouble trying to persuade him that I do want to spend time with him. It is just that his brother needs me for food.

On a separate occasion, I have trouble putting my baby to bed. After feeding he would nod off and then I would put him to bed. But he would wake up as soon as his head touches the bed. Hmmm... Susah betul.. he just wants to be carried around. Everytime I think he is asleep and I lay him on the bed, he decides to wake up and demands to be carried by crying.

I tried carrying him while doing work on the computer. Somehow he knows that I am not giving him my full attention and he decides to show his disatisfaction by crying and whimpering. I finally decided to watch tv, while I let him lay on my chest. This got him to doze off. SUCCESS!. Happily I go back my room and laid him down to sleep. Guess what? He decides to wake up. aiyoooooooo... Hmmm... eventually I decided to prop myself up on the bed and let him lay on me. Finally this got him to settle down and sleep. This time instead of laying him down on his back, I placed him on the bed on his tummy. He continued to sleep. Phew!!

Each kid has his own way.. my eldest one was so easy to get to sleep. As soon as he finish his feeding... he flats out and sleeps for 2-4 hours. I was sooo thankful that I did not really have sleepless nights with my kiddo. However with my second one. He is still precious cause when he is awake these two black pools just stares at you with an almost knowing and talking way. And he likes to punch the air all the time.. by the way... he does not really cry so much. Just a little yelp. Which I am also very happy for. yup I enjoy both my kids very much. They my things of beauty. A thing of beauty is a Joy forever. :)

anyhoo... I should rest now. Tomorrow I have an interview with OUM.. finally. Been waiting to be called for 2 years.

Monday, September 1, 2008

Copied and pasted

I would usually link this blog to the webpage which I found interesting articles in. However I think this article should have more exposure. A friend of mine emailed this to me and I checked that it is a valid article from Malaysia Kini. Please read on.

Malay rights - a mystical myth?

Shaik Rizal Sulaiman | Jun 23, 08

The Malays are 'technically' in power governing the country but it also this same controlling group that demands the right to correcteconomic imbalances and disparities for its own race.

What does this say about the 'majority governing' Malay race for the last 50 years?

I dare say that most Malaysians (regardless of race) below the age of 40 would like to see all opportunities be spread amongst those who deserve it on meritocracy.

We do not need the keris anymore to tell others to be careful of what they say and do because in the survival of the fittest, the keris is of very little relevance!

If we continue to hide under the 'bumiputera' tempurung as most Malays have been in the last 50 years or more, the catch-up game will just get harder and the gap wider.

If we continue to expect without earning it, we will never learn how to be a race that succeeds on merit. There is no substitute for merit.

The Malay politicians continue to shout about Malay rights and bumiputera rights because the very nature of our local politics is sadly racially biased. In this day and age, a great nation is built upon joint success stories, meritocracy and the combined hard work of its people without any fear or favour of racial biased politics governing our dailypolicies.

I am below 40 and as much as I love the 'idea' that Malaysia is tanah tumpahnya darah orang Melayu, I can't help but also feel that this country is for all Malaysians alike including the Chongs, the Kumars, the Xaviers, the Kaurs etc who were born on the same day in the same hospital as me here in Malaysia.

If we feel that we deserve this country more than them, then we should have shown them a long time ago that we deserve the 'control all' status. We have to earn it. The policies failed because the very concept of Malay rights or the NEP/DEB is like a double-edged sword.

On one hand, it aims to eradicate wealth disparity but on the other, it has made the Malays oblivious of what reality is. Our success is only reflected in the 'perceived' political power which today can collapse in a matter of minutes.

I would also like to see my children succeed in their country, Malaysia, for reasons that true success should be based upon, which are merit and hard work and not because they are Malays or bumiputeras.

For as long as the Malays don't see this, there is very little point in fighting for Malay rights. It just makes us look more ridiculous. We have taken this notion of being privileged a bit too literally in that it now simply means we want this country and its fruits all for ourselves without accepting the responsibilities that come with it.

I blame the Malay politicians for this because we want to only fight the cause without strategising for the true substance and need of the cause. We have been given fish all the while without being taught how to fish.

It's funny how two different generations can be so diverse in their thinking and the recent elections proved just that. We are no longer concerned with racial problems but more so the never-ending Malay agenda issues.

The rakyat has spoken and the landscape has drastically changed. Is this change welcomed? Is it good? The answer is 'no' because we the Malays have been caught with our pants down - we are not ready to compete on any level playing field (we can't even compete on advantageous grounds!).

Even with three or five more continuing policies for Malay rights or bumiputera privileges over the next 50 years, we will still be inexactly the same position as we are in today. The truth hurts and the truth will always prevail. And the truth of what's to come will not go away.

I am cynical perhaps because I feel that Malay rights is not relevant anymore. The right to be safe, to be treated fairly, to have a world-class healthcare and education, to enjoy equal prosperity, to have good governance, to live in a clean environment and to be war-free is what I want for my Malaysia. Not for my race to beartificially powerful.

If we want the Malays to fail, then by all means continue the fight for Malay rights. Go and polish your keris.

I agree with what Shaik Rizal said. We bumiputeras have to wake up and face the music. I am an educator, and if you ask any other educator they will also tell you that this great divide is in existence. Some educators try to help the bumis by giving them the answers and questions to final exams (I experienced this as well, my malay classmates got the answers and me and my chinese classmates did not get it.) in the hope that they score or pass. Some still fail even with this kind of special help. I prefer to make the bumis and malays work as hard but they give you this lame attitude which says we do not need to work hard. Hmmmm. It frustrates me as a bumi that the stereotype is so true.

I am like a bird - Eagle.. woo hoo..

Your Power Bird is an Eagle
You are spiritual and able to soar to great heights.
You are a true inspiration, and many people look to you for guidance.
And you are quite demanding in relationships... but you're worth it.
People know that you will become even greater than you imagine.

The Keys to Your Life - Shite! truth reverberates.

The Keys to Your Life
Anything good in your life comes from you having the strength to make good decisions.

You know how to assess a situation before you leap into action.

Anything bad in your life comes from fooling yourself or clinging to illusions.

Be strong enough to see the world clearly. Learn from your mistakes.

My Shoe Type - Oh I am common... :)

You Are Sneakers
You are creative, funky, and forward thinking.
You are cool, but you are still approachable.

You are stylish and edgy, but you aren't a slave to fashion.
You tend to put your own spin on trends.

You tend to have a fast paced, busy lifestyle.
Not a lot of people can keep up with you!

You should live: Near nature

You should work: In a job that keeps you on the go

The Sesame Street Personality Quiz - Who would have guessed

You Are Bert
Extremely serious and a little eccentric, people find you lovable - even if you don't love them!

You are usually feeling: Logical - you rarely let your emotions rule you

You are famous for: Being smart, a total neat freak, and maybe just a little evil

How you live your life: With passion, even if your odd passions (like bottle caps and pigeons) are baffling to others