Tuesday, March 10, 2009


Whatever!!??!!. I am in the mood to just rebel. I just had a very very tough few weeks. I do not think it will end. Tomorrow there is a meeting I have to chair. The next day another meeting to show my face in. A meeting which I think is just another time waster. Sigh... somethings about my job I love... the others I hate.. I have not blogged for ages because I have not had time and I wanted to focus on work. However I agree with nekad climatologist. He uses blogging as therapy. LOL. I mean. Who sincerely can say they do not use blogs as a therapy session. Shrinks must be really feeling the pinch this cycle of recession. The boom of internet blogging which did not exist ten years ago. Amazing.

You know in three years of marriage I have had grounds for a divorce, repeatedly thought of it. But today I can not. I keep on seeing grounds for keeping the marriage. How is that possible. Is it not the path of the broken hearted to rage and to leave and lead another life? I thought of that. I would advice myself to do just that. It is not like I am a coward and do not want to join the 70% of divorcees. Nah.. I am not like that... I just do not see the point. Why do you need to divorce? Why did you work so hard to be with someone who gets you just to fight tooth and nail to leave the same person.. just because he grew to be not getting you at all?.. IT IS RIDICULOUS... nah.. I choose to just lead a peaceful life.. take it or leave it.. follow my own gut feeling of how to live.. LOVE, LAUGH AND LIVE.. so simple...

Life is hard enough without us trying to make it complicated. sigh.. But I will be making my life complicated soon. ARGGHHH... it is not that I do not like to do research but I feel guilty that I will have to sacrifice time with my kids.. This is what I am most angry about today. I can not finish all my work in one day and then also progress in research. My kids are at home waiting eagerly for me to come home and I feel bad. But if I dont do my work.. I feel bad... there is no way out of this.. I have to choose... SOO SAKIT HATI (so painful my liver.. ROFL that's the direct translation). Which way to go. I don't want to use my children as excuse but I do not also want to make them lose time with me.. uwaa.. well I better go home and try and spend time with them.

by the way I went to Tambunan on a job with my Hubby as my driver and my babies as navigator (like real). It was fun..

Check out these tiles.. Perkasa hotel Tenom a blast from the past...

And guess what we tried stopping by the Taman in Tenom but it was closed on monday

see this can really get me drunk and forget about all my problems.. eh?

Tenom is really not that backward.. it has a seven E

Look at me and My Baby... I don't want him to ever grow up.

Ridoxolitolamatini.... by the way if anyone is curious about what this means.. hmm I created it.. and it means I am angry, frustrated, tired, miss having martini and awfully lots of fun with my mates.. LOL.


Deana E said...

hahaha funny juga ur post nie rachel..take it easy.i can understand part of it.i am in reasearch line also but im taking it really slow..2 project..in ?? years..need to have balance life.what to do la..we want the salary for our kids juga.

Doc Rogue said...

thanks.. these are the product of a permanent head damage.. LOL. anyhoo I am glad I am not alone.. two projects.. I have soo much in my head but so little time to research them thoroughly.. want to catch Dr Max in the office bah.. if not terlepas peluang..

mjm said...

Dear Rachel, peace be with you. May God grant you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change. We can't controll the circumstances in our life but we can choose to trust God.

Raw post..I feel you and know that you are not alone.
Am in the same boat..got grounds, worse..have been in it longer. Have two archangels too.

But like what u said, follow your gut feeling, take it or leave it. Make it work our hardest and pray that we will come out of it victorious. Wallowing in self pity is not an option although I do allow myself to cry sometimes when the going gets tough,hehe.

Be encouraged by this prayer of F.B. Meyer:

"Thou knowest, Lord, how often I am sorely let and hindered in running the race which is set before me. May Thy bountiful grace and mercy come to my help, that I may finish my course with joy, and receive the crown of life.

God bless you and your beautiful family.

Btw..have been an ardent and silent reader all this while. I love reading your blog for the simple reason that you write from your heart. Big gapusss to your two handsome archangels. And sorry for being so long winded.

Doc Rogue said...

Thanks mjm... you just lifted my heart. :)

I do not like self pity and I do not want to be a victim. I want to be the victor. You just made me more resolute.

I pray that God stays beside you always and for you to have triple the strength I have had to have to face your challenges.

Hopefully we don't contribute to the population density of Bkt Padang or Tjg Rambutan. LOL. Keep the Faith.

I am like a bird - Eagle.. woo hoo..

Your Power Bird is an Eagle
You are spiritual and able to soar to great heights.
You are a true inspiration, and many people look to you for guidance.
And you are quite demanding in relationships... but you're worth it.
People know that you will become even greater than you imagine.

The Keys to Your Life - Shite! truth reverberates.

The Keys to Your Life
Anything good in your life comes from you having the strength to make good decisions.

You know how to assess a situation before you leap into action.

Anything bad in your life comes from fooling yourself or clinging to illusions.

Be strong enough to see the world clearly. Learn from your mistakes.

My Shoe Type - Oh I am common... :)

You Are Sneakers
You are creative, funky, and forward thinking.
You are cool, but you are still approachable.

You are stylish and edgy, but you aren't a slave to fashion.
You tend to put your own spin on trends.

You tend to have a fast paced, busy lifestyle.
Not a lot of people can keep up with you!

You should live: Near nature

You should work: In a job that keeps you on the go

The Sesame Street Personality Quiz - Who would have guessed

You Are Bert
Extremely serious and a little eccentric, people find you lovable - even if you don't love them!

You are usually feeling: Logical - you rarely let your emotions rule you

You are famous for: Being smart, a total neat freak, and maybe just a little evil

How you live your life: With passion, even if your odd passions (like bottle caps and pigeons) are baffling to others