Tuesday, November 17, 2009

The biggest challenge

The challenges I had in my life were numerous.

I come from a very average family. We had food on the table. We had the hand me down clothes. To aspire for a change in life meant I needed to work harder than I ever did.
So I did.
I worked hard at school for 5 years to get myself eligible for a scholarship.
I faced failure after failure to get a decent grade to be able to continue for a degree.
I worked hard to get my postgraduate scholarships.
Went through so much downs and still I stood up again to just finish what I started.

I stand here now thinking if I did all that why is it so hard to do this one thing.

To forgive the unforgivable. My insides are all in pain. I want to set myself free. I want to forgive. I want to move on.

Lord God in all my travels and adventure I never stopped talking to you. Today more than any other time I implore you to help me forgive.

11 comments:

Deana E said...

if the person means a lot to you, find anyway to forgive..it will take time but with prayer, i think u can

Gallivanter said...

Forgiving is certainly not easy, contrary to popular belief.

zan said...

*hugs* not an easy thing to do but keep on surrendering that person to God. take care rach...

Doc Rogue said...

Deana that is exactly the problem, the person does not mean anything to me anymore. However the pain and the trauma stays. Do I choose to forgive or not?

My other friend said forgive but do not forget. Sigh.. I miss the times when all there was to forgive was a misunderstanding.

Gallivanter, Zan.. I am still trying.. everyday..

Anonymous said...

Sometimes we need to ask ourselves this - 'what matters most?'

At some point in life, you have got to make decisions for yrself, first and foremost. Selfish, yes, but you are d one that will have to live with yrself.

Picture yrself 5 years down d road. Are u going to say then that you didnt do this and this and wish that u had d guts?

Whats yr level of strength? Are u strong enough for yrself, and yr boys? Does the presence of the other person make a difference, or none at all? Answer these, and I'm fairly certain you'd find yr answer in turn.

Nothing in life is so bad it can kill u. Cliche, but it is so very true.

Carpe diem!

Doc Rogue said...

Hi anonymous.. I think I know you coz I have not mentioned anything about the things you mentioned to me about. However all those things you mentioned I went through that about a year and a half ago. While I was pregnant with my second one.

Decisions take time. I have made soo much decisions since then and reached this point.. and all I need to do is forgive to set myself free.. and thanks for the comment.. well taken in.. strange that most people think alike in problem solving.

Nothing is life is easy but by facing the music, it looks easy to others.. :)

chegu carol said...

hi rach,

whatever decision u gotta make, i pray that it will allow you to breathe easily and stays that way for a very long time.

*hugs*

Anonymous said...

Who says life is ever so straightforward? My point was,whatever decisions u make won't be d end of u. Some human being r by nature, tenacious, and it will take more than a broken heart to kill the spirit of these. U r probably in this category, I think? Be brave. Sometimes u need to make that move before u can effect any change in yr environment. Being alone and being lonely are two wholly different things; if u can deal with the former, then make that move.If u can't deal with the latter, then sit down and reflect some more. Forgive yes, but to forget what you had to forgive for in the first place is you doing injustice to yrself.

And no, you do not know me. That I'm sure. See me as someone who's watching a young woman hurting and not knowing how to stop the pain.

ms enet merisa said...

*hugs*

*hugs*

*hugs*

Doc Rogue said...

Thanks Net.. Chegu..

And Thanks Anonymous person.. what you said rings very true..

I know I can be alone.. and being lonely is really challenging.. but I try to love my lonely times.. coz in the long run.. it is when i am lonely that these lovely friends come along.. :)

And about forgeting... I really like your words "but to forget what you had to forgive for in the first place is you doing injustice to yrself."

that is the wisest thing I ever heard in my life..

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I am like a bird - Eagle.. woo hoo..

Your Power Bird is an Eagle
You are spiritual and able to soar to great heights.
You are a true inspiration, and many people look to you for guidance.
And you are quite demanding in relationships... but you're worth it.
People know that you will become even greater than you imagine.

The Keys to Your Life - Shite! truth reverberates.

The Keys to Your Life
Anything good in your life comes from you having the strength to make good decisions.

You know how to assess a situation before you leap into action.

Anything bad in your life comes from fooling yourself or clinging to illusions.

Be strong enough to see the world clearly. Learn from your mistakes.

My Shoe Type - Oh I am common... :)

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You are creative, funky, and forward thinking.
You are cool, but you are still approachable.

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You tend to put your own spin on trends.

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You should live: Near nature

You should work: In a job that keeps you on the go

The Sesame Street Personality Quiz - Who would have guessed

You Are Bert
Extremely serious and a little eccentric, people find you lovable - even if you don't love them!

You are usually feeling: Logical - you rarely let your emotions rule you

You are famous for: Being smart, a total neat freak, and maybe just a little evil

How you live your life: With passion, even if your odd passions (like bottle caps and pigeons) are baffling to others