Friday, February 10, 2012

On a roll

“Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.”
― Confucius

This quote makes me smile. In my teenage years, I sought to understand what it meant. I thought I had to do what other people wanted me to do. Or what other people thought suited them. So I modeled myself after other people. As years passed by I realized that learning about yourself is the key to knowing what you love. Seeing yourself in other people's eyes and admitting all the flaws as much as appreciating all the positives about yourself really helps you move closer to that direction. I choose to say direction not point because life is a journey.

Some people say I am lucky and born in the right stars. But how do you explain the hardships that I walked through in life. Something that no one could ever imagine. The choices that we make when the challenges come our way, make the BIG differences in our life. To walk in the path I took, it is not for the faint hearted. Sometimes you go through days, months or even years in darkness. But for those feeling that there is no hope. I would say.. have a vision.. a healthy more positive vision of where you can be and where you deserve to be because you are precious. Yup even with your flaws.. you are precious to this world we live in. For I believe everyone born into this world has a purpose to fulfill. The lost of one entity would affect millions around. The fulfillment of a destiny changes worlds and aeons..

I have been through a lot these pass decades.. and I just found out that the slug and hardwork I had put into my very first high impact peer reviewed indexed jounal had been cited 14 times.. I pat myself on the back. But to get that paper out, I had to read, write, edit, research for years.. hahahah I remember when I first started writing it. My supervisor Jonathan.. you can see him on the main page in his robes.. :) he is like a Father to me.. told me I should write a paper for him to go to a conference in Montreal. I could have gone with him if I did not bloody go to Thailand for an earlier conference.. DANG! hahaha but I wrote it anyway.. he took my presentation and paper.. and returned them to me for corrections. This was repeated for a zillion times until I could vomit. Still I did it. He finally said it was good enough for the conference.. I was soo bad at writing that I had to go through that.. :( Then I finished my Permanent Head Damage Journey.. hahahah and returned home to have a baby..

Guess what.. Jonathan emails me and says you need to do more editing.. Imagine my expression.. OH NO NOT AGAIN! was more like it.. and again it went to and fro from him to me for more editing.. this time I had to type it while breastfeeding my Kiddo, or while stealing time when my Kiddo slept, or not resting even when I was on my confinement period... hey.. the body is not exposed to the elements... just the mind is being worked up.. I WAS COMPLAINING.. I just wanted to say NO!.. I had enough.. but just when I thought I was ready to tell my really dear Supervisor.. He said it is ready.. a few months later in 2007 it was an article in press... PHEW!... did I want to write any more papers after that.. NOOOOOOOO.. traumatised.. yes.. feeling very low about myself? yes.. I was not very good because I had to do soooo much editing.. sigh!

I did not dare write a single paper after that.. hahahah really it scared the shits out of me.. the experience.. in 2007 the impact factor for Powder Tech was below 1.. dejected yes.. all that work for a low impact factor journal.. but in 2008 my paper was published and was cited 5 times in the first year it was out.. imagine my SURPRISE.. I almost fell out of my chair.. and to add to my surprise.. the impact factor was 1.5. WOW!... WOW!! and WOW!! again and again.. And then today.. four years later after it was published, I have 14 citations.. by people I don't even know.. imagine the reach of the information I had produced.. just imagine that for a while.. Thank you Jonathan for guiding me, pushing me and believing in me.. Thank you for telling me to stop doing for a while and to THINK!..

Now I am on a roll.. I have presented 3 conference papers last year.. I am polishing two papers from that three. I have about another 10 in my paper bank waiting to be written and about 3 or four from my thesis. I do not think I can repeat what I had achieved because I do not have Jonathan pushing me for further corrections and further corrections anymore.. but I will try and learn from that experience and try to be writing again... write good journal papers..

And this to my friend Margreet.. you once told me the type of job that suits me well with the attitude, personality and character I have was to be in academia.. Thank you.. it does suit me well.. I love knowledge.. I love writing... I love talking.. I love telling stories... I love studying things.. I love thinking.. it is all and everything that I love.. I have found my passion in life..

If you are interested to have a look at this paper it can be found via this link

erm p/s just to be obnoxious.. when I got the link above.. I saw this "Cited by in Scopus (17)"

hahahah elated?.. I am overwhelmed.. yesterday it was 14 and today add another 3.. I really need to write my subsequent papers from my thesis.. I have a responsibility to disseminate what knowledge I hold.. (do you see that person in the corner saying.. perasan.. hahaha yes I am soo very perasan).

Good nite everyone.. I wanted to write the paper but ended up writing this blog because I forgot my external hardrive in the office.. :) wish me luck for the future.. lotsa love Doc Rogue


Anonymous said...

Interesting blog, but I cannot help but to wonder, what did happened? Saw a man kept reappearing in your blog ( in a few photos ), guessing he is the husband, then I read somewhere that you are a single parent? I don't mean to stir anything up, or perhaps trying to make one go through that awful (if any) journey again that one once had to went through, but really, can't help but to wonder, why and what happened.

Doc Rogue said...

Where did my reply go? Hahaha

Doc Rogue said...

The changes from being married to being a single parent is something I don't wish for anyone.. But it is a good story to tell.. To show that it is possible to do and still have love for the people around you...

Maybe another blog.. But that story is a long one.

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I am like a bird - Eagle.. woo hoo..

Your Power Bird is an Eagle
You are spiritual and able to soar to great heights.
You are a true inspiration, and many people look to you for guidance.
And you are quite demanding in relationships... but you're worth it.
People know that you will become even greater than you imagine.

The Keys to Your Life - Shite! truth reverberates.

The Keys to Your Life
Anything good in your life comes from you having the strength to make good decisions.

You know how to assess a situation before you leap into action.

Anything bad in your life comes from fooling yourself or clinging to illusions.

Be strong enough to see the world clearly. Learn from your mistakes.

My Shoe Type - Oh I am common... :)

You Are Sneakers
You are creative, funky, and forward thinking.
You are cool, but you are still approachable.

You are stylish and edgy, but you aren't a slave to fashion.
You tend to put your own spin on trends.

You tend to have a fast paced, busy lifestyle.
Not a lot of people can keep up with you!

You should live: Near nature

You should work: In a job that keeps you on the go

The Sesame Street Personality Quiz - Who would have guessed

You Are Bert
Extremely serious and a little eccentric, people find you lovable - even if you don't love them!

You are usually feeling: Logical - you rarely let your emotions rule you

You are famous for: Being smart, a total neat freak, and maybe just a little evil

How you live your life: With passion, even if your odd passions (like bottle caps and pigeons) are baffling to others